I am called mama.
But who am I?
What do I do that’s just for me?
I used to do a lot of things. I used to spend hours researching my family history and would be so excited to uncover something new. I used to knit scarves and crochet blankets. I started a baby blanket for A over a year ago, and it just sits, unfinished, a constant reminder of the free time I don’t have. I used to go for walks alone, thinking or just marveling at the beauty of nature. I used to practice yoga and meditate. I used to exercise (sometimes). I used to binge watch Netflix all day long. Or sit in bed with a book until it was finished. When was the last time I even finished a book? Or watched a movie?
Being called “mama” is wonderful. My baby girl makes me so happy and so exhausted and so everything all at once!
But I am more than mama. I am more.
There’s never enough time. My sweet A needs me for everything. Either I am working all day and spending the evenings trying to make up for time spent away from my girl or I am spending the whole day caring for her. Even when she sleeps, there are things to be done. Laundry needs to be folded, dishes need to be washed, the house needs cleaning, not to mention I need a few minutes to shower myself. Once that is done, my husband and I like to spend time together, catching up on a show or just talking about our days. And then it’s time to sleep, because, with a baby or toddler you never know how much sleep will actually be happening. Right?
When I can find a few extra minutes to work out or read or just lay in bed and do nothing, I feel so guilty! Mom-guilt is a serious thing. How can I possibly want to spend time away from A, especially now that I am away from her at work during the day? So I don’t take time for myself.
All this just leads to a seriously burnt out mama. An overtired and over emotional version of myself.
Self-care is really important. I need to take the time to care for myself. I need to make myself a priority. I know I will be able to be a better mama to A and a better wife to my husband. I will feel less tired, less anxious, and so much happier.
I have made a few self-care resolutions. And I need to stick to them!
1. Exercise– even if it means waking up at the crack of dawn to work out before work. If I can get into a routine, it won’t be so hard (I hope). I’d like to set a good example for my daughter and lead a healthy lifestyle.
2. Drink less wine (eek)– I use wine as a reward after a long day at work. Telling myself, “I worked so hard today, I deserve this!” Drinking less will certainly be better for my health and my wallet! I am going to save it for weekends and special occasions.
3. Stop feeling guilty about me-time– it’s ok to spend 30 minutes blogging or reading or whatever! My husband fully supports my need for time to myself and encourages it. I just have to get over my mom-guilt and do something for myself once in awhile. Things will not fall apart in my absence…things will not fall apart…
I am called mama.
But I am also called wife, daughter, sister, friend.
And maybe most importantly…
I am called Emily.